I was at the book fair at my kids school today. The head of the PTA looked me up and down and said, "Something is different. Have you lost weight? Your face is much smaller!!" Finally someone other than my scale has noticed a difference in my weight!!! Things like that really give me the incentive and feeling that WLS is working.
My biggest desire is to be a healthy BMI and weight but on a vain level, I want to fit in and look normal. I live in the Metropolitan DC area and a lot of my environment/worlds are "thin".
My Kids Schools:
The moms and female teachers at my children's school are "fit", health conscious and take great care of themselves. At their preschool I think I was one of two overweight moms. One of my son's friends actually told me to my face, "You are obese"! And when he was younger, my son told me he was embarrassed when I volunteered at his school and it made me die. And it made me so mad at myself that I couldn't change it.
I'm Asian and I used to go to an Asian Church where the mean weight for women was probably 120 lbs. And the men are small too, especially the older generation. My dad and lots of his friends weight 130-140 lbs. Also in my family a lot of the women like my sisters have never weighed over 110 lbs.
And in the world of management consulting so many of my female colleagues dress powerfully and beautifully. A lot of consultants are marathoners or compulsive exercisers.
Its relative, I always felt fat against my environments. I know its almost self absorbed and narcissistic but I could just hear the negative voices in my head and they are/were so handicapping:
"Oh no, there goes the fattest woman in our church!"
"XXXX has a fat mom"
"Wow how can she dress that way?"
"Look at the size of that butt"
"How can she give a presentation in that fat suit?"
The inability to lose weight in the last 10 years made me feel especially trapped. But lately just losing 17-20 lbs in the last couple months has given me the feeling of blending in into my environments. The focus is not on being self conscious/self absorbed but on living life normally and confidently. I'm volunteering at school more confidently. I don't worry about how I look when I'm giving presentations. I serve and worship at church and focus on God rather than myself.
I appreciate this WLS because it is liberating me.
Thank you blogger friends for your kind words and thoughts and wisdom too.