Sunday, April 3, 2011
Losing My Fat Inhibitions
-Accepting Social Invitations-I've got great friends and family who always ask me and my family to do things...there are several times where I declined because I didn't feel good about how I looked or felt that I didn't have anything appropriate to wear or felt horrible about how I was looking. It was me...my friends and family love me and just want to see me. I know this in my heart and I'm so grateful.
-Feeling Good About Getting Dressed-When at my heaviest I was really limited in my wardrobe and at phases I just gave up about my appearance and being a woman. If anything I just dressed to be clean and presentable. I lost all vanity and it really stuck out compared to my very fashion forward friends/family.
-Professionally-It was really hard for me to verbalize my ideas and pitch my ideas the same way I do now. Being direct was being difficult too. I'm in engineering and management, I think some of my feelings of inhibition are self generated but there is weight discrimination too, especially the sales and management component. But I think a combination of the two really kept me back or that I had to flip over backwards to compensate for the bad initial impression I might be giving of the fat consultant.
Now I know this sounds so vain and self absorbed but but the beauty of weight loss is that it has made me feel less self conscious and less pre occupied about myself...I'm not wondering if my Armani, Designer clad counterparts are judging my stretch pants and elasticized skirts and old woman outifts. I'm not wondering if my family is worried or talking about my excessive weight gain behind my back. I'm not wondering if the client is looking at the signs of my unhealthiness versus just interacting with me and listening to my ideas. LOSING WEIGHT HAS MADE ME very present in the present moment and is allowing me to enjoy those moments. I can enjoy being with friends, family, and professional engagements. I don't worry before hand about what I'm going to wear and which outfit makes me look the less fat. I just go and I'm there and I'm in the moment...there is great beauty in that. I still have a ways to go but I feel that the more I lose the easier my life becomes...is so many ways.
Thanks for listening.
Update: By no means am I thin or at my perfect BMI...I'm just making progress with my weight and my mind. I felt trapped and unable to lose any type of weight for a long time...so I'm really glad that things are working out with the band. I really feel like it was a great decision.