Coming up for Air & Hey I tried on a 16 and it fit!

Literally, I'm coming up for air.  I have two sick little boys with the flu and I'm mentally preparing myself for a 3 day conference next week (March 1-3) where I'll be talking all day for 8 hours.  I'm going to see my WLS doctor on March 9 and mentally it is important for me to be firmly in onederland to show him and myself my level of commitment.  Does this make sense?  I often feel like I'm going to take a final or getting graded when I see my surgeon.  I'm on a modified pre op diet.  Modified because I ate like 10 Doritos in a moment of madness and stress.  In the famous words of Susan, FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION and I think I may need to tattoo this onto my body with a Sharpee.

I occasionally try on smaller clothes.  I tried on a pair an old pair of size 16 shorts(dreaming of summer/spring) this am and they fit!!!

Hope you have a great week.

Sometimes I Feel Like I have a Million Miles to Go...

Yesterday one of the admins(who is obese) at work was talking to me and said, "People like us really need to stay away from cake".  "DEFLATING BALLOON SOUND HERE"...I wanted to tell her, "Don't you notice the weight I've lost?  I don't deserve to be in the obese club anymore. Don't lump/categorize me with you!"  Then my born again thin colleague (He used to be 250 lbs but lost 70 lbs 15 years ago and is a health nut now)....kept going on and on and on about how I should do strength training and moms who don't take care of themselves aren't doing anyone favors...."DEFLATING BALLOON SOUND HERE"

 Truth is I've lost weight but I have a long way to go.  After feeling disappointed today, I decided that I'm going to kick it up a notch with the pouch test and exercise more.  My born again thin colleague is right...its just his delivery is really annoying. 

Thanks for listening

What made you get the band?

When I've had weak moments lately, I've had to remind myself what led me to get the band and why its important for me to make this succeed and as Susan says,  "FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION":

1)  My 9 year old son started reading diet books to "help" me.  Even he realized it was getting bad and he was worried.  Of all things, stressing him out was a real wake up call for me.

2)  Regularly outgrowing my work clothes and having progressively limited selections.  I used to wear designer only!  How did I stoop to such a level where I cared so little about myself and how I looked?

3)  A co worker running into me at a meeting and having a shocked look on her face and saying, "What happened, I can barely recognize you?!"  The last time she had seen me was 40 lbs before.  She's a nice person but straight forward and she was geniuinely shocked.

4)  A friend taking me aside because of "true concern" for my health

5)  Having a panic attack and feeling like I was having a heart attack one night.

The band has helped me turn things around:

1)  I'm down almost 30 lbs

2)  Yesterday my son told me that he thinks I look much healthier. 

3)  I'm fitting into smaller clothes each week

4)  I went out to dinner with girl friends who I haven't seen in 3 months and one of the first remarks was, "You look so much healthier!"...As I walked out, two friends hugged me and said they were so happy and glad that I looked and felt better.  I could tell that their feelings were of heart felt relief for me.

5) Not huffing and puffing and not feeling bloated

Because the band has turned things around, I need to continue honoring it for the rest of this life long journey.  I have no regrets...I'm so glad I had WLS.

Flashbacks of the Crazy Way I Used to Eat and the Realization that I'm not an NFL Football Player

It's pizza night at our house every Friday.  It's a cooking break for me and a food that my little boys think of as divine.  I was thinking that I already ate my moderately sized dinner and I'm not going to have pizza and that I rarely eat pizza now. I've come a long way.  Even 6 months ago, Pizza Fridays often meant 5-6 slices washed down with two Diet Cokes.   Weekend often involved Thai, Italian, Chinese or Gourmet Meals with my husband (Mr. High Metabolism) sharing 2 entrees, appetizers and dessert.   I once remember going out to lunch with colleagues and ordering shrimp linguine, having a salad, sharing a calamari appetizer and then sharing a plate of fried Italian donuts with a ganache type sauce.  My eating was out of control..almost an unconscious impulse.  Now the thought of those eating habits really grosses me out.  Thank you Lap Band.

Do you have any crazy eating flashbacks?

PS I do eat all the aforementioned foods but I don't allow myself the NFL Football player portions of the past.

Work Stress Made Me FAT: Breaking Cycles

When I think about the things that made me overweight, I have a simple answer.  WORK STRESS  MADE ME FAT.  Since my first job 20+ years ago, I always put a lot of pressure on myself.  With the desire to be perfect comes a tremendous amount of self generated pressure.   When clients are angry or there are difficult co workers or mountains of work on tight deadlines; I've always resorted to medicating myself at work and home with FOOD.  And as I've gone up the learning curve and gotten better at my job, the responsibilities and work load have increased...and with that so did my weight!  If you did a bar chart on my work stress levels, you could probably correlate increases in clothes size and body mass and bigger butt to horrible client jobs, crazy co worker conflicts. 

With the band, I can't do that anymore; I have to face these issues or PB all day!  Facing things has been challenging but I have!  The band has actually helped my mind.  Since I can't eat, I have to deal:  I have to talk things out more, negotiate more or just blow off stress and manage it better in my mind.  It's been really liberating.  I have to say I've been a lot more vocal at work...Not in a crazy Postal Worker Way; but I've put my foot down more about things I will and will not do: I'm much better at boundaries.  I don't think anyone ever inhibited me from this but myself.  But work stress and eating is something I am working on everyday.

What are the things that trigger you to eat and how do you deal with them post band?

I have to spend the day with a co worker who likes to take credit for my work and is extremely patronizing...I can't eat so hopefully I won't get physically violent.   Just joking...LOL

I haven't been blogging much because I've been super busy at work but I actually lost weight versus gained...For me its as good as not gaining weight at Christmas!

Hope you are well.

Just a Little More to GO and Some Commentary on Fat Police!

I'm getting closer to Wonderland(One - Der Land).  I'll change my ticker officially after the MD weighs me 3/9.  I just want to say that up front so that I can be accountable to my great peer group out in blog land.

My weight loss journey has been a private, sometimes slow but steady one.  I don't advertise my journey outside of this blog, except with my best friend and my husband who is like my best friend.  But as I've started to lose weight, people feel compelled to police me a bit.  A fellow consultant and work who I work closely with lost 70 lbs 10 years ago and has kept it off.  We often work all day on presentations.  Today we went to lunch and he asked me how much salad dressing I put on my dressing and how much.  And then he showed me his salad and how he chose the non fat alternative....And then he was asking me about my weight loss and how my exercise is going.  He's been in maintenance mode for 10 years and he is very obsessed with not gaining weight.  After he lost weight,  he felt that the world opened for him.  You know how some people are born again Christians?  He's a born again thin person.  Then my sister noticed my weight loss and said, "Do you know the value of sustained exercise, increasing your heart rate and truly burning calories?"  And then she proceeded to talk about the values of exercise on weight loss for the next hour.  PLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE  I've been dieting all my life.  I've found something that works...please leave me alone, unless you want to compliment my shrinking body LOL!  I know it all comes from good intentions...but boy can it get irritating.

I've been wearing Large LL Bean Shorts, not XL.  And I can sit and exercise in them!!!

Posting is such therapy...I was a way a couple of days working etc.  Posting and reading really keeps the momentum up for me.

Thank you my lovely friends.  I appreciate you.

I've Fallen but Getting Up Again...

I've been busy at work...I'm on a new client engagement, new team, trying to read documents to understand the project and trying to act intelligent and figure out all the fun politics.  I had a couple late nights...stress like this make me fall off my beautiful pristine myfitnesspal.com and exercise everyday wagon.  One of my struggles has always been managing my eating during stressful times; but its getting a lot better...the sins are smaller (Utz Chips, Sugar Wafers vs. Full Course Chinese Dinner, Full Course Thai Dinner) and the climbing up back on the wagon is quicker and easier.  In the past, I would be good on diets, fall off and then just never bother to get up until something slapped me into consciousness.

My husband asked me what I wanted to do for Valentine's Day...in the past all celebrations automatically included, without analysis, something fantastic to eat...This year I told him I just want some time with him and the kids and some TLC.  It just struck me that every wonderful occassion doesn't have to include fabulous or decadent food-that is a milestone for me.

Hope everyone has a nice weekend.

Don't Compare...WLS Diversity...We are Not All Created Equal and Loose Skin Product!

I was chatting with our WLS dietian...she was calling in my results from my 3 month post op blood work (which were great except for the calcium levels which is more to due with my thyroid).  I was asking (grilling) her what the ideal fill is, what the ideal restriction was, what the ideal rate of loss was.  She told me that there are no standards aside from the prescribed basic rules (solids first, no drinking 1 hour before, after...).  And she also told me that people are very different and so are their weight loss journeys...because patients have different:

1) Sized stomachs
2) Stomach linings
3) Sensitivity in their vagus nerves
4) Metabolism
5) Lifestyles
6) Health Status (thryoid, heart conditions, diabetes)
7) Eating Disordered (bulimia, anorexia, medication)

So her basic message is don't get caught up with other people's stories...focus on your own...follow the rules...and listen to your body.  DON'T COMPARE...Amen to that.  This is so simple but makes brilliant sense...our paths to weight gain have been so different...so our paths to weight loss and ideal BMI will be different.

I think the best thing I've done for myself is to journal everything I eat (myfitnesspal.com), follow the rules and to really listen to my body.  For instance:

1)  Two Meals-I'm fine with two meals and coffee for breakfast.  I really need to eat liquids only in the am because of my restriction/tightness and because I take synthroid, supplements. 

2)  I need 1200kcal or Less per Day-To lose weight, I really need to stay at about 1200kcals or less.  It doesn't matter if others can get by with just eating 3 cups of food or 1500 kcals or 1700 kcals.  My body needs 1200 or less until/when I ramp up my exercise.  My lifestyle is becoming more active as I introduce more exercise but to be honest for 8-10 hours during the day, I'm sitting in meetings or writing. 

3)  Eating Slower Has Been Key-I think I got into a pattern of eating fast because of the stress of juggling my job/young motherhood.  Now that the kids are more independent and because I've moved into a more family friendly corporate environment; I can measure, sit and eat and listen to my vagus nerve/stop when I'm full.

PRODUCT REVIEW:
Now...lately I've also noticed my skin dimpling as the fat decreases and the skin wonders where it went.  My skin has looked funny and its been itchy.  I've been using this great product:

This skin therapy oil is great for just plain moisturization but it also is know to help (which by the way...all apply to me at this stage!!!) :

• Scars
• Stretch Marks
• Dry Damaged Skin
• Uneven Skin Tone
• Aging Skin

I know I haven't lost 100 lbs but I'm thinking positive and imagining that it will help me as I lose each week.  It has gotten rid of the itchy feeling and seems to be fading my stretch marks...I have several friends who used this during pregnancy and it really helped their skin bounce back.  I feel more comfortable in my skin lately.  It was about $13.00 for 5 fl oz. 

Thanks for listening.   Have a great week..Have a healthy week.

These are a Few of My Favorite Things (about the band of course)

When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things (about the band)
And then I don't feel so bad

1)  My blood pressure drop.

2)  Being able to button my winter coat this year when last year I could not

3)  The scale going progressively down after 10 years of not being able to lose any weight

4)  Going into my favorite stores again and not just looking at the scarves, jewelry and accessories.  J. Crew and Banana Republic and Barney's I'm coming HOME!!!

5)  Working on the treadmill and not feeling like I'll have a cardiac episode (sounds dramatic, but I felt that way last year). 

6)  Wearing smaller sizes

7) Having my blunt but loving next door neighbor tell me that I look fabulous.   Actually having people notice a change in me.

8)  Feeling more feminine and more like a woman again

9)  Looking at spring fashion trends and planning on how to dress fashionably versus just covering my body.

10) Feeling more professional/confident in meetings and during work interactions

11)  Getting rid of that thigh chaffing

12)  Walking around and having my shoes slip off because my feet actually lost FAT

13)  Never falling a sleep because of a food coma


14)  Being a healthy mom for my boys

15)  Blog friends...of course!  The greatest 24/7 support group around.

Honesty...Definitely the Best Policy: The Truth has Set me FREE!

THE TRUTH HAS SET ME FREE...from my slow losses~!

I'm an honest person but when it comes to weight loss, I think I've been deluding myself and that is why I wasn't able to lose weight successfully in the past.  Even with this WLS I was using excuses and deluding myself: my thyroid surgery, my age, my initially lower BMI.  I've been losing but slowly and these variables probably did effect some of my slow losses, but truth be told I was holding myself back.  Then I had a wake up call when I emailed a fellow blogger and asked her about her phenomenal success...She like other successful bandsters is an HONEST rule follower.

I've been losing and I want to share what helped me go on a downward trek:

1)  Logging Food Religiously-Using myfitnesspal.com - I've received a re- education of sorts and have adjusted my eating patterns and by God...I've been losing much faster!  I have to admit some of it is probably my thyroid surgery, my fills falling into place but the honest tracking everything you eat is imperative, especially, when you have a history of poor eating habits.    I love myfitnesspal.com because you can actually see your protein, fat, carb intake, your net calories and it forecasts how successful/unsuccessful you will be if you keep up certain habits.

2)  Setting a Higher Standard-I really applauded myself for eating smaller portions with the band.  Its true that I don't eat huge restaurant portions anymore and I don't eat like my 27 year old nephews who can regularly eat at buffets and retain 10% body fat.  But rather that rest on these laurels, I need to eat like a thin and healthy person.   I try to stick with 1200 kcals a day.  With my age and office job I need 1200 kcal or less to achieve any sort of significant weight loss.

3)  Moving More-The basic reality is I have a sedentary job in which I'm sitting in meetings, writing presentations or giving presentations.  The biggest work out is on my fingers.  So I'm doing ZUMBA and trying to be as active with my little boys as much as possible.

I know that all of you ladies know this information so thanks for reading...

I'm going to wait to go to the MD before changing my ticker...but by God my weight is going down and I'm getting smaller!!!

Have a nice weekend...The Lap Band does WORK!

Have you ever ZUMBA - ED?????

I just ZUMBA danced with my two little boys  and had a blast.  Thank you Lap Band Gal for advocating this great form of exercise.  It's literally a Latin Dance party.  I'm not an exercise class girl or a sporty girl; but this is a really fun and sustainable form of exercise.  I bought the Sony Play Station 3 Version.  The music is catchy, the steps aren't too hard and the electronic teacher is so encouraging and sweet.   

I haven't blogged much because I've been entertaining my kidlets.  They have been home for 7 days now on Christmas Break Part II due to the snow storms.  It was fun to be with them but I'm thankful they will be back in school getting an education tomorrow.
 
It's nice to blog again and read blogs...literally this is like the nicest 24 hour support group.