I just got off a conference call with work colleagues. We just finished a project that got major kudos...I was subbing for a guy who was having prostate surgery. Jim is a loud, opinionated man in his 50s. And he returned this week and my boss decided to keep me on the project since the client really liked my work.
So now I'm on the team with Jim, the guy I was brought into sub for.
We started talking about our work and Jim said, he was looking at our deliverables (which the client loved) and said that he wished we could rewrite some of the stuff in plain, good English. I'm Asian, the rest of the team is not. I wrote most the deliverables. Every time I'd chime in he'd over power me with loud, aggressive language. After two hours, I'm exhausted. This week he also chimed in about looking down upon his 30 year old daughter who ballooned after having kids and looks like a cow. This makes me paranoid because now I feel that he's looking down on my for my weight and my inability to write "good english". He's everything you really don't want to see in a man: bigoted, loud, opinionated, not a good listener. BTW, I have two advanced degrees from pretty reputable schools where I learned how to write "good english". On the whole most people are nice and very intelligent and reasonable. Its just the occassional crazy colleague/client that drives me over the edge.
My first impulse when things like this happen is to go out for a great lunch. But I've been negotiating myself off the over eating ledge. I'm trying to think things out and talk them out and blog them out. Really its incidents like this which used to trigger my over eating because I'd soothe my stress with food.
How do you talk yourself out of old over eating triggers?
Have a good weekend. For the record, I didn't over eat and don't plan too. I've come too far.
Add insecurity to the list! You've obviously done such a good job that he's trying to belittle you. I really don't believe that what he has done is acceptable and I would at the very least bring it to the attention of your manager.
ReplyDeleteWith regard to talking yourself out of eating triggers! I don't know! I'm fighting my own one just now!
Have a wonderful weekend.
What a jerk. I am sorry you have to work with people like that. But what a long way you have come if you didn't use this as a trigger from over eating!
ReplyDeleteI think for me I never really knew what triggered my over eating. I guess I am just seeing them now! My biggest thing is eating to fast and I am paying for it now because if I do then I get sick! Then I don't want to eat anything!
My first instinct is to say he's threatened by you and is attacking you on any way he can. I don't know if I'm super successful at stopping stress eating, but I'm better than I was. I shop sometimes now to take my mind off what's bothering me- it's better than getting cookies. I'm proud of you for not eating.
ReplyDeleteTotally agree with Linda...he's threatened by you. take it as a compliment. :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a blow hard... He IS threatened by you - so be empowered, Lady! I would suggest when he gets in his obnoxious moods, just remember who YOU are - and laugh at HIS insecurities!
ReplyDeleteI like to shop!
NO. HE. DID. NOT. "Good English"?! No. I'm sorry, but that's just hateful in my opinion. I would ask not to work with him if he's going to be a bigot.
ReplyDeleteI hate people that talk about others' weights, I wouldn't even know what to say about that.
I would definitely have binged after a day like you had, but I'm proud of you for not going to food for comfort! :) I normally cry to avoid overeating, cuz I know I don't like soggy food. lol
What a bigot-- if he keeps up with that, I'd report him or at least tell him his racism is showing. Bigots and bullies back down when they are called on it in front of other people :)
ReplyDeleteAnyway-- stress eating. It's hard! I just have a little talk with myself. Sometimes I'm successful (more than I used to be), and if I can't be, I choose foods that aren't going to really hurt me-- a handful of olives, or some hummus or some cheese.
What a jerk! Sorry you had to even experience that. Don't let it take away from the great job you did!
ReplyDeleteWow, what an a hole! You have perfect english, I never would have known it wasn't a first language! He is just insecure, knowing you could more than handle the project without him, so he needs to assert himself to "prove" to himself that it would be better with his input. Good job with not giving in to the stress eating, I still need work in this area.
ReplyDeleteSounds like a real jerk....working with a group of male surgeons, who although they are generally nice -- there is always some eliminate of talking down/wanting to always be right/trying to find ways to intimidate you that goes on...one of the surgeons I don't normally assist, whose assistant was out sick and whom I was helping out, told me my chart documentation was "too wordy" -- this is the same guy who is FAMOUS in the office for dictating ridiculously long office notes, commenting on what the patient's FAMILY MEMBERS are wearing in the "social history", etc. -- and let me tell you, I let it get to me SO badly! That is really great that are recognizing those mental triggers and talking yourself "off the ledge" - really proud of you! Wish I was better at that myself...
ReplyDelete