I had a real life band experience. Yesterday I had my first PB right before a client meeting. I have been good, taking small bites...staying away from soda, caffeine, contraband foods; then I saw a cream cheese danish at Au Bon Pain. I was so allured by this food of my past...thought I'd take a little bite; but I ate like I used to-with big bites. But I felt like I was in labor but that a baby was going to come out of my throat...its that kind of pain that you hope passes. I walked a around and actually ended up sitting down and barfing into a napkin. It was a relief because I couldn't imagine being in a client meeting in that state!!! I felt silly but at the same time I felt initiated into bandland!
I haven't had a fill yet but when I eat bread or pasta or doughy foods; I feel the restriction. I can't wait for my first fill 10/29. I'm in that stage called bandster hell where sometimes I can eat whatever I want. I don't want to fall off the wagon too much before I see the MD on 10/29. I don't want to undo the good that I have done.
One thing that I do fear though is failure and the bandster hell period makes these fears come alive. When I went in for my first pre surgery appt I remember being horrified when I sat with two bandsters...one had lost 90 lbs and another had only lost 12 lbs one year after getting banded. After all this work to get to surgery and through surgery I don't want to fail. And the reality is that I've been failing and dieting for the last 10 years. How can I make this year different? Whenever I feel this way, I read your blogs. The blogging community for bandsters is so great. I feel that people have gone through a lot of self reflection and discovery to come to the decision to pursue banding. There are really cool people out there who share their hearts so generously and who encourage and support one another.
Thank you everybody!